Ep. 168: Your Mental Health Comes First (Part 1)

In this week's episode, Linda is in the hot seat! It's her turn to give us a life update and share what has been going on lately. She opens up about a major decision she made, how it has changed her life, and why choosing herself and her mental health over a job was one of the best decisions she could have made.

Tune in now for your weekly Dose!!!

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:04

You're now listening to a Putin Dose of Three with your hosts Linda, Jasmine, and Kathy, and we're here to bring you your weekly dose.

SPEAKER_02 0:26

Hello, hello, welcome back. Happy Monday. Or whatever day you guys are listening to this to. So um on today's episode, we're gonna hear an update from a person that we haven't heard an update in a long, long, long, long, long, long time. And now in the hot is gonna be Miss Linda giving us a live update and just telling us up and downs and all the gossip. So, Miss Linda, let's get into it.

SPEAKER_00 0:58

Hi, listeners. Like Kathy said, I feel like I actually haven't spoken about myself in a very long time. Uh, the last few episodes, I feel like I've been the one interviewing um, you know, Kathy and Jasmine. But today it'll be all about me, and I'm trying to try my best to get through the episode and express myself the way I what I have in my head and express it the right way when I'm speaking. But yeah, it's been a long time coming. Um, so I want to say my major life update is I remember a few episodes back. A few we're gonna listeners, we're gonna go all back, all the way back for I don't know how many episodes. But it was the episode where I where I was talking about um finishing up my fellowship and then also wanting to move on into getting an employee where I did my fellowship, but going down working maybe like two days a week because I wanted to start also working on like my aesthetic career. So I wanted to do two days in the clinic primary care and then the other days um work as an aesthetic nurse and like learn the ins and outs of that. So, whatever this episode is gonna come out, I don't know. But your girl, your girl, your girl, your girl has been unemployed since May. Y'all probably thinking I'm gonna be like, I'm laughing.

SPEAKER_03 2:22

What you're like, you're just laughing. Huh? I'm laughing because the way you're laughing. Like, girl, what are you gonna tell us?

SPEAKER_00 2:30

No, for real. So, yes, your girl has been unemployed since May. Um, and the reason because of that, reason for that is like I did not accept the offer that the where I was working, um, what whatever they offered me. I didn't I didn't accept the position because life has been lifing. Life literally has been lifeing. Um, so I decided again not to take that position. I just feel like it wasn't for me, though I said, you know, previously, like I really wanted to do two days a week because I didn't want to lose my knowledge in primary care. But life again has been life, and I just felt like that environment and that culture was not like good for my mental health. Um, yeah, so I was like, let me put myself first. And it was a it was a very hard decision for me to make, like a really hard decision. Like I literally kept going back and forth, back and forth, like, should I work here or should I go like venture out? Should I work here? Should I go venture out to the point where like it was becoming very over overwhelming? It was like really, really overwhelming of like me deciding if I should continue to work or not. But again, I took a leap on faith. Um, and it was like even during my time there, I feel like it was many little instances where they're growing. There's like more so like growing pains, I would say, that made me like question if I should continue working there or not. And it was just, I don't know, it was hard. It was, it was definitely a hard, a hard decision.

SPEAKER_02 4:07

So, do you think that it was hard because it was, you know, you were finishing your your first in in a year there, you had a little bit of experience, like experience, but not a lot, and you had that instability that you were kind of afraid of like going out into the world and try to find like hey, what like where do I'm gonna go, what am I gonna apply, or do you think it was hard because of your patients? Like, why do you why was it like really difficult for you to make that decision?

SPEAKER_00 4:34

Honestly, it was all it was a little bit of all of that. Um, and then I feel like because I was working there for like over a year, like I build, I was comfortable there. Like I build, um, build a relationship with my patients. The patients is the reason why like I wanted to stay. Everything else, not so much. I I again like the culture and like the work environment, that was something like really different than what I wasn't used to. And that was also like a learning curve. Um, while there, like I realized again, the patients didn't give me no problems. Like, I enjoyed working with patients, I enjoy like creating a patient care plans, following following up with my patient. It was literally literally everything outside of like patient care, it was more so the work environment, and so that's what made me like uh I should go. But the one that made me want to stay was because of my patience and also the comfortability, because then in my head, it's like I don't know what else is out here out there. Like I want to leave because I'm not comfortable in a sense, like I didn't like the culture of the environment, but also I didn't know what else was out there. And I hear a lot that it doesn't really matter like where you go, nothing is ever perfect, so I don't know what I'm gonna get. So I was like, dang, if I do leave here and I leave somewhere else, what about that environment is worse than what I'm where where I'm currently at. So I feel like that's the reason why like I struggled a lot. And then also, like you were saying, Kathy, because I'm also new in the field of being a nurse practitioner, is like I don't know what's out there, I don't know if I'm prepared, I don't know like the fear of the unknown. Um, so that was the the main reasons, but the bigger reasons why I was like I should go is because though I'm putting like my time and energy into a company, at the end of the day, like if I'm not feeling valued or I should like I should like put myself first. And again, again, it was uncomfortable because I or because I I built relationships with like certain people, I was comfortable with the patient population, and it's like dang, now I have to leave. Um, and so it was it was really hard. It was really hard. Yeah, so I had a friend that I did the fellowship with, like I was super close because I'm like, well, I enjoy my time there when I'm like I'm around her. Um like it's not all bad, but there's signs that like I should not be there. Like I should not be there, but I just kept on. Like I'm like, well, it's not so bad if I'm only working twice a week and I'm you know, I was like making excuses and like the reasoning is like why I should stay. Yeah, so I feel like you know, right now, like I'm struggling with telling my story without saying like too much. Um, so that's the reason like I'm going back and forth, like in my head, like, should I say this? Should I not say this? Like, how much can I say about like my experience? But you know, I do want to be transparent and authentic like to myself, um, because you know, that's the reason why we started the podcast so we can talk about our life, talk about, talk about our experience, and then also maybe, you know, hopefully help others who's in a similar situation. Um, but uh, you know, and then because I'm also new in the in the in the field, I I I also feel like I don't want to like create like a bad reputation for myself because I'm still new in the field, like I'm still trying to build up like connections and I don't want to be in quote unquote like blackboard blackballed in the community or the that space because I am um so new. But again, I have to be authentic to myself. Um yeah, so I feel like uh one of like the the main reasons like like just pushed me to say, you know, like take take a leap on faith is that again life has been lifing. Um life has been life and when I was working there this whole time and I didn't get the opportunity, like opportunity like to share on the podcast. Um yeah, life has been life in. Jasmine, are you doing to say something?

SPEAKER_04 9:06

Yeah, I I I completely feel like feel and like I I can I feel like a lot of things you're saying, I can see that you know, it's not something that you're just feeling. I know a lot of people feel that. Um I think you know, like I've I've read a lot, right? And um about, you know, before, um generations before, you know, they would stay at a job and they would work there because they felt that that was like the only thing that they could get and they felt like there was no other way to advance themselves and things like that. But I think the the way our generations are progressing, I think we're having a lot more confidence in ourselves and like taking more leaps of faith in ourselves and also kind of like not accepting things which I think previous generations wouldn't have accepted. Um, so I think the culture is just shifting, but I do agree, like um, there is a lot of taboo when it talks about, I guess, um, talking about, you know, your experiences or talking about some of the toxic or negative work environments you've been in. I I know a lot of people um I like I said, like it's taboo to talk to talk about them because it's like it's it seems as if you're um you're talking bad about someone or you're or you're trying to make someone look bad, but in reality, you're simply just sharing your experience and and things you've been through. So it it's hard to find like that balance, right? Of being authentic to yourself, but also you know, trying to re remain professional. And like you said, we are really new to this field, and so we're still trying to figure out what is appropriate to share without I guess being retaliated against, if that makes sense. Um, but I totally feel like I I like I feel you, like, and I think a lot of people feel the same way where it's like, oh, I can't say this, but but it shouldn't be that way because it's your experience, right? And it's something you've been through. And I think in being open and honest about things, hopefully it creates a change where we're able to kind of like have people take accountability for things and able to create safier safer work environments because I I've heard a lot, like I I hear up from my friends all the time, you know, different friends where like they talk about like some of the toxic work environments, and honestly, a lot of them are in healthcare, and that really that's really sad because I feel like working in healthcare is already so difficult, right? It's so difficult. You see so many difficult things. You you you feel things, like yes, you're providing care, you may not know them, but I mean we're human, we're empaths, and we do take on a lot of a lot of the um a lot of the feelings and emotions of patients too, right? I don't know, transparence, chronic transference, all that stuff. Um, and so we do go through a lot as as whatever, whether it's students in training or actual providers, you it's all it's very heavy load to carry. And I wish sometimes um it wasn't as taboo to talk about our negative experiences because I feel like it just creates um a kind of like a heaviness that we carry. Um, so hopefully we are able to be more honest and open because um it will hopefully create, you know, better work environments because we're able to have people take accountability.

SPEAKER_02 12:38

Yeah, and I also feel like we are in like a I don't like a like a sucky position because once we're unexperienced, like we don't have a lot of experience. Second, we're a woman, and third, we're a minority. So it's kind of like it's hard for us to speak up but not being seen as like, oh, you're just being problematic, or you don't know, like it's just because you're new and this has been this has been functioning for 20 years for us. So that's why. So yeah, I I I agree with what you guys are saying, what what Jasmine was saying and what Linda was um saying as well. Um, that we are just trying to talk about our experience, but it's kind of hard because we're like in a in a very tricky position because of where we're at in life right now. And also other things that um like who is you know who is the manager and like so on and so forth, that is also makes it makes it even harder to make those changes because even like you were saying, Jazz, new generations are trying to make the change, but it also makes makes it hard by like whoever it's in the big positions in the company, if that makes sense.

SPEAKER_04 13:48

It does, no, it does. And I don't know if I mentioned this before to you guys, but I don't know if you heard, but like I'm I'm sure you guys have heard of Daisy Sanchez, she's a doctor who's like all over social media and everything. Um she was talking about her, I think it was like her residency program, and um, they were talking about like the the work environments, and she I don't want to say she was calling them out, right? But she was sharing her experience. And in the comments, everyone's like, wow, like I can't believe she's doing that, she's putting herself at risk. And for me, I was like, wow, that's really brave, but also like the fact that everyone can acknowledge that her sharing her experiences is putting herself in danger of retaliation by these by her residency program or whatever, because that's not common because obviously it's taboo, and we all can acknowledge that she's um putting herself at risk, but you know, yeah, and this is it's uh sad but true.

SPEAKER_00 14:47

And I was even told like not to say certain things or shouldn't say certain things because I am so new, I don't really have that many like networks or you know, all those connections. So it's just like you know, to always just move on gracefully. Um, and I do agree with the moving on gracefully thing, um, because you never want to just leave a place where it's like you're you've caused like the issue or the problem. Um that's not exactly what I want to say, but like just leave leave gracefully. And I I just feel like that's something that like I did, you know. I didn't I can I kept like going back and forth like like if I was being I felt like I was being like um not like authentic to myself um because it's like yes I'm leaving gracefully, but then I just want to tell you everything, like how I feel. Um so I feel like for me the hardest part was like separating like my emotions with it and just come like presenting myself as just like an employee, you know, like separate like my my emo I and it's hard, it's it's really hard, and I'm still learning. It's something like you know, working has taught me. Um but yeah, I I try my best to like lead gracefully as much as possible. Um and yeah, and it wasn't all bad. It wasn't all bad, you know, there's good and bad to everything, and I took, you know, even like the bad as like a learning, um, like a learning lesson of like how I would want to move forward in the future. Um, but again, like I learned a lot from where I was working. I enjoyed the patient population. Um, but I just felt like that place wasn't for me. And it was just again, so many signs that was just saying like it wasn't for me, even though I was there minding my own business, but it was like always something coming back to like back toward me. And it's like, whoa, I'm damned if I do, I'm damned if I don't, like type of thing. So I was like, you know, let me just remove myself from this environment and just like see what else what else is out there. Um, and then if I may, really quick.

SPEAKER_04 17:04

I I want to just touch on the fact that you said, you know, you wanted to leave that work environment gracefully. In my opinion, I personally do feel like you did, and the reason why I say that without saying too much is I do remember having some conversations with you where you mentioned that, you know, before leaving, you did talk to some of your supervisors and did talk about some of the things you experienced. And personally, like I feel like you communicated some of the, you know, some of the reasons why you were leaving and why you felt like you couldn't stay. And I think I personally do feel like you handled it gracefully. You communicated, you know, you gave feedback, you weren't um rude about it. So you know, I think that's that is leaving gracefully because many people aren't able to communicate, you know, some of the their feelings about you know what what they're experiencing. And hopefully in you communicating that um the work environment or the supervisors were able to reflect and possibly, you know, think about some of the things that they could work on, you know, for um, you know, future employees. So I mean, I think it was pretty graceful.

SPEAKER_00 18:12

Yeah, I I hope so. I hope so. And it sound, you know, the conversation that I the conversations that I did have, you know, they said they would work on certain things, which is which is great. Um, but like I said, it was like very challenging. And I did have multiple conversations with like multiple friends that that helped me make the decisions. Um, I had like long conversations, like, what should I do? What should I do? Like, you know, maybe I'll go down to one day a week, but then again, I wasn't being true to myself, knowing that I didn't want to be in that environment and still going down um one day a week. And then my friend, like Vanessa, she was like, you know, you'll you'll be good regardless of what you do. Like you have to take that leap because you don't like there could be something better out there for you. And she was like, you know, I don't know what it is about you, but she was like, you know, God doesn't play about you, so whatever you do decide it's gonna be for your best, you know, the the best interest of yourself. And I was like, you know what? You're that's true. Let me get out of my head, let me stop letting fear stop me because I'm in a comfortable place. Though it was a toxic work environment, I was becoming used to like that toxicity. Um yeah, and like even right now in my head, I was like, damn, if I'm if am I saying too much. See, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 19:31

No, I I like we said, right, you're being authentic to yourself, but gosh, Linda, this is all very good stuff. And I say it's good stuff because it's a lot of things that people deal with and they don't really talk about. And I'm sure it doesn't even matter, it doesn't even have to be healthcare. I've talked to friends who don't even work in healthcare and who are sharing these experiences. Um, and it's really hard to talk about because you feel you feel sort of indebted into them sometimes too, you know? Um, because it's like your first real your first real like nurse or like nurse practitioner job and things like that. And it can feel really scary um because sometimes we do doubt ourselves and we doubt our abilities, but like we said, being uncomfortable and putting yourself in an uncomfortable situation, like going to a different job, feeling uncomfortable, is a really good opportunity for you to learn and grow and even continue developing because maybe you had reached everything you could learn there at that spot, and maybe you need to go somewhere else, be around different people, and they might be able to teach you something else.

SPEAKER_02 20:36

Yeah, and I also wanted to commend you because you like first of all, it's hard to speak about what I don't know about y'all, but I don't know about me. It's hard for me to speak about my feelings and what really pisses me off in a way that is very HR, you know, in an HR language. Um, so I want to commend you because you you talk about your feelings, but you keep it professional, you keep it very, yeah, very professional. But then also I also like the fact that you put your mental health first, which is not very um, it's not really seen in healthcare. Honestly, me working as a nurse right now, that I work with multiple nurses, it's hard. It's hard because uh some of the nurses that have been in where I work for uh for more than I have, they normalize things like you said. Dude, we normalize things. And then me, I'm like, you don't gotta take that. It's like they're they're not your boss. Like, what do you mean? They don't write that's something that I'm like, okay, Katherine, maybe you could reel it down. But at the same time, it's kind of like those new, the new generate generations and the new things that we have to actually advocate for us for ourselves. And I'm um happy that you did that. And I'm happy that you put your mental health health first because if I feel like if you would have been, you know, keep working and working, your I call it like people's light, like your light will be like dimming and diming into like you don't have nothing else to give.

SPEAKER_04 22:05

Hold that thought. Stay tuned for next week's episode.

SPEAKER_01 22:10

Thanks for listening to this episode of PD3 with your hosts Linda, Jasmine, and Kathy. Make sure you like, comment, and subscribe at a potent dose of three so that you never miss an episode and your weekly dose.