Ep. 169: Protect Your Motherboard (Part 2)

In this continuation episode, Linda goes more in depth about the factors that led her to realize she needed to make a change, ultimately choosing to prioritize her mental health over her job.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:04

You're now listening to a Putin Dose of Three with your hosts Linda, Jasmine, and Kathy, and we're here to bring you your weekly dose.

SPEAKER_03 0:23

Welcome back. This is a continuation of last week's episode.

SPEAKER_02 0:27

Yeah, and I also wanted to commend you because you like, first of all, it's hard to speak about, well, I don't know about y'all, but I don't know about me. It's hard for me to speak about my feelings and what really pisses me off in a way that is very HR, you know, in HR language. Um, so I want to commend you because you you talk about your feelings, but you keep it professional. You keep it very, yeah, very professional. But then also I also like the fact that you put your mental health to work.

SPEAKER_01 1:00

Thanks for listening to this episode of PP3, which is mental health, Jasmine and Kelly.

SPEAKER_02 1:05

Make sure you like, comment, and subscribe at a potent dose of three so that you never miss an episode and your weekly notices that have been in where I work for uh for more than I have, they normalize things like you said. Dude, we normalize things. And then me, I'm like, you don't gotta take that. It's like they're not that they're not your boss. Like, what do you mean? They don't write that's something that I'm like, okay, Katherine, maybe you could reel it down. But at the same time, it's kind of like those new, the new generate generations and the new things that we have to actually advocate for us for ourselves. And I'm um happy that you did that. I'm happy that you put your mental health health first because if I feel like if you would have been, you know, keep working and working, your I call it like people's light, like your light will be like diming and diming into like you don't have nothing else to give.

SPEAKER_03 1:56

I agree. I remember um when I remember when Linda was in her program, you know, she was also struggling a little bit. And I remember her her light was dimming, like you said, Kathy. And I remember once she got into her program, she I remember she was she was like she was someone changed her batteries, right? Like she was bright, she was bright. I remember if she was in a better school. She was excited. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you were excited. I do remember seeing you kind of like turn around and and like all the all the I guess like struggles that you were dealing with in school, like they had kind of, you know, I didn't I they didn't go away, but I I I didn't see them as much. I didn't see you struggle as much. And then now even talking about this, right? Talking about this right now and seeing you kind of get emotional, like it's clear it's clear to see that there was some heaviness that was brought back, right? And some some struggle that you had been dealing with kind of like throughout your your your schooling. So like Kathy said, it seems like you really did make the right decision and you put your mental health first, um, which I think is really always the main priority because one of the things I'm learning is in healthcare, we're always taking care of someone else. But if we are not able to fill our own cup, we can't give them anything. And so yeah, I think uh you did what was best for you, and I'm really excited to see what happens and where where you go and how you grow and see your little sparkle come back.

SPEAKER_00 3:43

Thank you, thank you, thank you. That does make me that makes that warms my heart and make me feel a little better about myself, but also makes me more a little bit more emotional. Like, let me cover my cover my face a little bit why why I look while I continue to talk. But speaking of like mental health, yeah, I feel like listeners, you know, you know that we're always bringing things back like to mental health and like mental health, and we're always like crying or like doings, you know, get it emotional because life be life, and life be life, and I'm like, no one told me adulthood was like this, but here we are. Um look, don't laugh at me too much. Hey, no wonder our parents were always yelling at us when we picked us up. I I understand it, I understand it more. And we don't even have kids well, except Kathy. So I'm like, I can only imagine. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, gimpy count, okay? Oh, yeah, you have two dogs, but like circulating back around of like me putting my mental health first, like that's my main goal of like, regardless of like any career, any friendships, anything, like your mental health like should always come first. Because like the you know, your mental health is to me is like one of the most important things. You know, it's the most important thing, it's like the motherboard. Like, if your mind is not right, that affects every single thing. And for me, you know, though I was just wanted to like work there two days a week at you know that the clinic I was working at, my mental health was not the best at all. Like my mental health was not the best at all. Like I was dealing with so much. Um, like I didn't have not mentioned it on the podcast because it's so still so recent. Um, so my dad had passed away um like the end of February. And I I do feel like that was like, you know, like what is it, that same the last, you know, me, I don't I don't know. The straw that broke the camel's back. There you go. I think I think that's what it is. Uh yeah, yeah, that's that's that's one of the sayings that I that can work for this. You know, I feel like like losing my dad during the time when when I was already going back and forth trying to decide if I should continue working there. I do feel like that kind of made me make my decision of like, you know, to just not continue to work there. Um, because like I feel like I wasn't really grieving properly. I remember, you know, um like my dad passing away and then taking off um five days from work and then going back to work the following week as if like um like a week later as if nothing happened and like just going through like that momentum of seeing patients, dealing with their work environment. I was like, this that's not the life that I want for myself. I just knew I had to put my own like happiness first, work on myself, work on like my own mental health, and just figure out things as it come. So I remember again, I was going back and forth deciding with if I should stay there, stay there or not. I just remember saying like F it. I end up like emailing HR and my supervisor saying like this is my two weeks' notice, and this was at 9 p.m. at night because I knew if I would have just set and sat on it a little longer, I would still be going back and forth of whether or not like I should stay or leave. Honestly, they probably thought I was a little crazy because I was I kept having such a hard time of deciding if I should go. Like one moment I'm telling the telling my supervisor, oh, I want to work two days a week. The other week I was like, oh no, I want to work five days a week. So I say, you know what, Linda, forget it. Uh just send the email. It doesn't matter if it's 9 p.m. at night, send the email, give your two weeks' notice so you can just let go, let God take the time for yourself. Like I didn't have a job lined up, but I knew I was gonna be okay financially to take off work. Honestly, I can be off of work for a year and be okay. My goal is not to be off of work for a year. Okay. Because you know, I I'm able to, thank God. Like I'm able to if like that were that is the case, but like I I what was like like I didn't have to stay there because like money reasons, so why not just like take the time for himself? So that's what I did. I am bad, guys. Uh that was such a struggle with saying that. Thank you for sharing. It's okay. You did good, sweetie. Yeah, I tried to do the best of the best that best that I could do. It was very uncomfortable.

SPEAKER_03 8:26

That's all we can do. That's all we can do. I I one of the questions I have is I know you go to therapy. Did therapy at all have a role in helping you make the decision?

SPEAKER_00 8:37

Um honestly, because I was only seeing my therapist like once a month. I'm only still seeing her once a month. I feel like I I mention it to her. And the next time I saw her, I was like, well, I decided to do this. Um so I didn't really, she didn't really walk, walk me through it. I just I was telling her what I was doing, like very sporadically. Um, but I just feel like the conversations that I had like with my friends and family members, that's what helped me make the decision to just take a leap and figure it out as you go. Um, even like certain co-workers that I build like a close relationship with, they're like, girl, like you'll be okay. Just go figure it out. You you will be okay. You are needed out there in this field. So just this is not the only place. Like you'll be okay. Um, so that's why I was like, okay, let me release these shackles and just figure it out and take that leap. And I'm glad that I did uh because I've been unemployed for almost, it's been like two months. Um, and I literally just been focusing on myself, sleeping, um, not even worried about what job I'm gonna apply to next. Or I'm not, I was have not been focusing on like, oh, let me apply to a job, let me apply to the job. It's like, no, I wanted to give a month to myself to rest, and then a month to like travel, do fun things, and then now I'm gonna start um actually applying to jobs.

SPEAKER_03 10:16

Um since sorry, since sorry, I don't know where all these questions are coming from.

SPEAKER_00 10:21

No, ask them. Please ask them because I had a whole thought in my head and just went out the window.

SPEAKER_03 10:26

Okay. So since you know, making that decision, do you feel like your mental health is in a better place? Is it in progress, or where do you feel like you're at there?

SPEAKER_00 10:38

Um, I feel like my mental health is has been great. It's definitely in a better place because I have time for myself. I'm not tired all the time. Um, because I remember working literally Monday through Friday um all day and being tired. I want to say, like I mentioned that in the podcast of how tired I was. Like I would come home from work and not have the energy like to do anything. Like I was just like want to rest. Um, but because I'm not working, I had time to put into myself, you know, forcing uh, not yeah, forcing myself to go to the gym, getting in like to a routine, um not having to you basically being able to get out of bed when I want to, do certain things without saying, like, oh, I have to go to work in the morning or like I can't do it around this time because I have work. So my mental health has improved a lot. Um because I've been able to do more things for myself. Uh yeah. Still in therapy, only still once a month. I feel like I've been doing okay. Um, yeah. So I feel like I've been doing okay. The best I could do. I've I've been doing okay. Uh yeah. So that's honestly what's that's all I have to say about like that being unemployed. I'm unemployed for a reason. Um again, I feel like I had so much in my head that I wanted to say, but again, I just was overwhelmed with like emotion. Um, but I I got a good enough information. I said a good enough information. I feel like once everything is not so fresh, and then I'll be able to talk about it a little bit more. But right now, and because it's like I'm like in my head too much, I'm like, I don't know what to say, or I'm overwhelm um becoming overwhelmed with certain things, I'm just gonna stop that story right then and there because it's still again, it's still still a part of me felt like I said too much. I hope I didn't say too much, but I do want to say again, I enjoyed my time of I enjoyed my time there, like I learned so much. I've met a handful of people that you know I will consider people I will keep in contact with from years on out. Again, I accept the good, I accept the bad, the bad. I feel like the bad has taught me so much, and it's taught me of like, you know, what to look for for future jobs, what type of provider, what type of supervisor I want to be in the future based off of like based off like my experience, experiences. I learned a lot. Oh, this is a this is what I um wanted to mention. I feel like some of it is like I'm I learned later on in my life with the whole toxic work environment. I realized that I've never worked with co-workers, I've never had co-workers before. All the jobs that I've had in the past, it was always just one-to-one. It was just only me and the client. I was never in an environment where I had multiple co-workers. So that was a learning curve. Like if I had coworkers at age 25, I would have been already used to this stuff. But no, I'm learning this stuff later in life in my adult years. It's like, oh, the work environment could be messy. No matter where you go, the work environment could be messy. But because again, literally every job I had was just me and the client. It was net really never actual like a group of people when we were all together. So now I learned now and I learned how to work with coworkers. So a pat on the back for me. Thank you, thank you.

SPEAKER_03 14:17

Yeah, yeah, it's yeah, you're right. It's ghetto out there. No, it is. I remember when I first worked as an EMT and like I was like, oh, like I don't know. It was my first job like working. I had coworkers before, but it was my first time where it's like it was just me, it was someone else, and so we had to communicate. And obviously, I was like, when like I'd never come across, you know, uh people where you communicate something and they don't care, and that even in itself was a challenge. I was like, oh wow, I thought I could just communicate and we could work past this, but that's not always the case. But yeah, it can get messy.

SPEAKER_00 14:57

Yep. So now I learn.

SPEAKER_02 15:00

Yeah, and then I feel like sometimes we I don't know if it's just because I don't I don't know. It's just I feel like the the way the way that we are built, like for example, for me right now that I work with coworkers and I play gay, I play with like teams and like stuff like that, and uh, they always say like communicate, communicate, communicate. Sometimes you think that everybody would know how to communicate, but no everybody knows how to communicate. So it's kind of like you also learn these things, and I I Linda says that she has like um like you know, learned from like the mistakes and everything, but I feel like she grew because I feel like when something wouldn't happen, she'll be like, Yeah, but I also learned this and I learned that, and then that's gonna help you grow in the next job that or in the next um things that you have, like a coworker or a teammate, you will know how to handle it.

SPEAKER_00 15:56

Yes, I I will. Everything was learning less. I was like, Why me? I was always joking with uh my friends, and I'm like, why gotta be me? Why can't I learn from somebody else's mistakes? Why can't it happen to one of my coworkers? And I'm like, ooh, girl, yeah, I see what you're going through. Let me take notes. But no, this stuff was happening to me. I was like, I'm just here trying to mind my business, literally minding my business, and here it goes. Everything just happened from left to right.

SPEAKER_03 16:22

It's messy out there, but I I it's kind of like when you're studying for a test, right? And you get it right and you didn't know it, but you got it right, you're not gonna remember that. But if you get it wrong, you're gonna remember that.

SPEAKER_00 16:34

You're right. Yep, that's good. You're right, you're right. I definitely is it's it's stuck in my long long-term memory now. But yeah, that's all I have to say about working. I'm I'm done. I am done. Absolutely done.

SPEAKER_03 16:49

So, Linda, if you had to like sum it up, if you have to sum it up, what advice would you give someone who is kind of dealing with a similar situation where they're going back and forth whether you know this job is for them, is not for them, they should say, they should leave. What advice would you give?

SPEAKER_00 17:09

That is a good question. My advice to anybody listening, it don't matter what career field you're in, it doesn't matter, it could be relationships, it could be anything. If it's not working for you, it's not working for you, put yourself first, put your own mental health first. Um, mental health, stress kills. And if something is stressing you out where it's affecting your mental, it's time for you to make a shift. Um, and I know a lot of times it's easier to said than done. And I'm blessed to be in a position where I was able to act out sporadically, just you know, off the limb and you know, quit my job uh two weeks and be okay. But if but if you're in a situation and you're not able to just like not work for a few months, I would suggest to start looking for work, like keep your job that you have now, but also be proactive and looking for another job. So once you get hired to another job, you can just leave. Because in all real in all like honesty, in reality, when something's not working, it it it builds up. Like there's multiple instances where things are not working, but it's just something it keeps building up, and it's a bunch of things that makes you explode and like I'm done. So before you explode and be like, I'm done, already already be looking to make a move. Um yeah. So so my advice basically would be to put yourself first, put your mental health first, and um do what do what's best for you. Don't give yourself, don't give all of yourself to any body, any company, because at the end of the day, you are replaceable. And yeah, put yourself first. I'm always saying that put yourself first, but just make sure you have a big a backup plan. I what I don't want you to do is be quit quit and don't you can't pay your bills, you can't do any of this. No, you want to make sure you already have a job lined up. So once you get hired on that job, then you can quit the j the job you're currently working. Yeah, and speak up for yourself. Always speak up for yourself, even if you even if you you're doing it very emotionally, even if you're crying, speak up for yourself, send an email. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 19:28

Yes, that was great, great advice. So now you told us about this. Now tell us about the good things. Tell us about what have you been doing now that you're unemployed, what have you been working on, what have you been troubling? Tell us all those things, Linda.

SPEAKER_03 19:43

Hold that thought. Stay tuned for next week's episode.

SPEAKER_01 19:48

Thanks for listening to this episode of PD3 with your hosts Linda, Jasmine, and Kathy. Make sure you like, comment, and subscribe at a put in dose of three so that you never miss an episode and your weekly dose.